The Squawk Heard Round the Plane

I have a really loud laugh. It is hard to control, especially when something is totally ridiculous. Well, this afternoon I came in from Paris, working with a great crew. Anyhow, this being Paris (long and fancy BusinessFirst flight), there is an International Service Manager (ISM) and he did a quick briefing before we started the trip in Houston about keeping it down in the galley - especially during crew breaks (we are selfish and want an undisturbed nap time). Not a problem. Pretty standard - don't be a Mrs. Happy Galley Pants and click every latch and slam every door on every cart while your fellow crew members are on their naps. Be respectful. I got it.

Apparently, I didn't get it on the way back, however. You see I was working with this really awesome crew, one of the best in recent memory, in fact! I met a cool guy named Joe and we really got along well and seem to have the same sense of humor - we were laughing a lot. Well we were babysitting the back galley while some of the others were on their break. In hindsight, this was probably a Squawk waiting to happen. A call light went off, and I said "Not it" because I had gotten the one prior to that one. His turn. That's how it works. So he took a cup of water to the call light and on his way back to the galley he picked up this random, stray leaf of newspaper just hanging out in the middle of the aisle. He had been mercilessly been making fun of me on the flight to Paris for sorting out the newspapers out of the trash to be recycled, so I asked him if he wanted to recycle it. He rolled his eyes and was like "Yeah," and proceeded to crumple it up into a tight wad and shoot it into the corner trashcan for three points.

So I get up to go to the lav, and this girl - maybe late teens, early twenties- hangs out into the aisle and flags me down. She was like "That newspaper was set there for a reason; I threw up on the floor and it was covering up my vomit."

Okay. It was really hard to keep a straight face in this situation. Many things were going through my mind: 1) Gross! 2) You are old enough to vomit into a bag or the lav 3) Joe just touched your vomit cover! I really haven't the slightest idea what I told this girl, because I high-tailed it to the back galley to tell Joe what he just (unknowingly) did.

Joe: "You're shitting me." I shake my head trying to stifle laughter. The look on his face is priceless: disgust, confusion, but still seeing the humor in the complete absurdity of it all. I let out one high-pitched bird like Squawk - seriously on accident. I was trying to keep it down. It was a funny moment....

Within 0.2 seconds the ISM comes roaring in the back galley and was like "THAT'S not going to fly! That (loud noise[Squawk]) can be heard five rows into the cabin!" in that imposing leadership-like condescending whisper. He must have been wearing speed skates or something. He really looked like a caricature of himself, all red-faced and vein-popping. Of course we explode into a fit of giggles once he leaves.

From that point on, Joe started miming a crane and Squawking (not as loud as me) for a few cheap laughs at my expense. For a guy who picked up vomit in his bare hands without knowing it, I'll let that one slide.